| Every rose has its thorns |
[Nov. 3rd, 2003|09:27 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  tired | ] |
Just like every night has its dawn.
I like that song. No idea who sings it, but I like it.
It was a very, very busy day. No time to for lunch, much less to think. Sometimes, that's just darn good.
Hm, even ESPN has its own version of reality TV. "The Wild Rules". 12 people, different skill sets and tools, tossed into the wilderness of B.C.
I put in extra hours at work today because I plan to definitely attend my H20 classes this week. I need that stress relief in a major way. My project has gone from 0 to 60 in a flash and now I'm paddling water in the deep end. Prepared a tech project plan and want to overlap it with the functional plan and see where the heck they are pulling their dates from. (Current standings indicate that someone's ass is the front runner). It's going to prove to be a very hectic next few months.
Spoke to Mom tonight. They're doing OK. He wanted to come up here! I nearly choked! Here?!? He can't have one pup there and he wants to come to the menagerie?! Egads, what is he thinking? I think I talked them out of that one and I think Mom agrees with me. Sheesh! What if something happened while he was here? It's an hour to the hospital!
Man, I am wiped out. And I'm really uncomfortable typing tonight and my typos are out of control. Thank heavens for the backspace key. I hate typing like this. It's annoying. I'm tempted to just head to bed now. I'm thinking that is sounding better by the moment. |
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| Another day in Oddville |
[Oct. 29th, 2003|10:38 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  calm | ] |
Yup, that would sum today up pretty darn good.
Woke up. Darn IBS is acting up so it took me awhile to get in gear and get to work but I got here in enough time to check email before a series of meetings (9-12 and 1-2). Oy. Then, a quasi-user drove us all bonkers by expecting the world to jump through his hoops on HIS time line. The heck with what else was going on, just get his stuff fixed. And it poured today. I'm on call and got a few calls about 6pm, so didn't get out of the office til 6:30ish and had to go pick up the boat from the mechanic's. So I meet T up there and he helps get the truck lined up with the trailer and we get things all hooked up. He backs up and backs up and backs up and next thing I know, I see his headlights facing UPWARDS! Yes, vertical. I just could NOT believe that he had backed his car out of the lot, across the road and right on down into the ditch. Oy. I was happy it was NOT my car. But as he was getting out to come over and unhook the trailer, a cop pulls up, which is rather odd since it had JUST happened. So I was walking over to the cop, the phone rings, work problem. Could anything else happen tonight? Fortunately, my truck has oimph and I was able to pull his car out. But sheesh, what was he thinking?
Actually, it's more like: was he thinking?
You decide.
Didn't get a lot of things done tonight because of all of the quirks so maybe Friday or over the weekend I'll be able to get to things. It sure won't happen tomorrow night.
Hm, just realized Mom hasn't called tonight. Of course, the phone goes back both ways. I got so tied up with crap, I forgot to call her.
Oh, as I was pulling into the driveway with the boat, my headlights lit up the front yard to reveal a herd of deer napping all cozy as could be. Strange to see deer curled up resting. It was beautiful though.
Well, time to consider bed. |
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| Busy, busy day |
[Oct. 28th, 2003|11:17 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | complacent | ] |
Ever just have one of those days that just moves like the Energizer bunny? Go, go, go.
Took my truck back to the shop for new tires. Did you hear the 'cha-ching' over where you're at? $115 a pop and I needed 4. And no, I'm not doing anything fancy with those tires, those are just a base model. The squealing noise was being sneaky again but it was finally acknowledged that the noise is not just in my head. We're working on it now.
There is nothing like having a trustworthy, honest mechanic. Especially if you're a woman. Double especially if you're a blonde woman.
Other than work, it was a day to pull the boat out of the water - brrrr! And let me say that lake gunk is gross. And slimey. Got the boat over to the shop and they'll take care of winterizing, etc. Has to be done. Winter is just around the corner here.
I also observed a class on "fly ball" with my girlie dog and she LOVED it. And she's damn good at it - 'specially considering she's never done it before. She's a natural. So, what will happen is that I'll continue taking her there and we'll see how it goes. She was so good - natural ability and inclination, that they're letting us attend open practice without having gone through the beginner class. Ain't that something?
Who knows, you might see us on ESPN's Outdoor Games. Now that would be something.
I'm tired. I did (finally) hear from my friend and am glad to hear that all is OK. I am sad to hear that I won't catch up with him tonight. It's been too many days - since Sat - which was my call to him from the ER. Not much of a discussion actually as he wasn't in a place to chat and I was at the hospital. I did need the email, made me feel less isolated and less lonely. I do need more contact though. There's a missing piece of me when we're apart for too long. Of course, you're not reading this so I can safely just get these out of my head with no fear that you'll take it the wrong way or do something out of feeling sorry or guilt or some such thing, rather than out of feelings.
Blah, blah, blah. Such babble.
I'm heading to bed, taking advantage of my friends going to bed themselves.
Sweet dreams, world. |
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| On the road again..... |
[Oct. 27th, 2003|09:16 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  thoughtful | ] |
Well, not actually but the song is in my head so there it is. Heh. If things were out right, it'll now be in your head too.
Who said I don't share well?
*chuckles*
Busy weekend. Down at the folks' again and everyone is pretty much status quo. But Mom pulled a fast one on us and was the reason we spent a good chunk of Sat night at the ER. Apparently, she got stung/bitten by something when she was garden. The mystery bite/sting was on her head and caused her forehead to swell and turn red. That wasn't so bad - what was bad was when her eyes started to swell - well, not actually her eyes - but she actually developed liquid filled sacs over the inner corner of each eye. She could have passed for a bar patron in a Star Wars movie.
Anyway, we think she's going to be OK now. Amazing what steroids will do for you.
It was a long trip. I never sleep well there - bed is too hard, pillows too flat, too many stink bugs flying around buzzing my head in the middle of the night causing me to sleep with one eye open and the light on.
I have these moments, periods of doubt. I think things are going along smoothly and then something happens that makes me pull back and lick my wounds, feeling sorry for myself again. I know it's passing but it still makes me ache and I won't say a word to try to express the ache. It hurts. It hurts to hear how you don't want to be treated (little things like typing while on the phone and such) and to have those things happen towards me. I know it's not meant in a mean way, I guess I'm just feeling lonely and alone right now.
None of this will make any sense but it's my journal so there. :P
I'll stop here before I get more melancholy. |
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| Riding the Rollercoaster |
[Oct. 23rd, 2003|10:49 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  okay | ] |
Up and down, twists and turns, loop-de-loop. The rollercoaster of my life. Guess I should expect it by now and just hang onto the [ Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<safety?>') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.] Up and down, twists and turns, loop-de-loop. The rollercoaster of my life. Guess I should expect it by now and just hang onto the <safety?> bars and let it go where it goes. You think things are going one way and then the curve that you know is there but nevertheless it surprises you takes over and sends you flying in the other direction.
Just have to believe.
I'm trying.
Somedays it's harder than others.
Take today, I overslept and was rather late (10am) getting into work for several reasons. No sooner had I gotten there then I got a call from someone needing help. The problem was looking like a show stopper so several of us hopped right on to it. I manage to diagnose the code and determined the source of the problem. Show stopper was stopped in its tracks. Yeah me! My colleague wrote a fantastic note to my supervisor and it really made my day. It's not often that someone acknowledges someone for a job well done and gives that much needed pat on the back. Thank you to my colleague for doing the little thing that means so much.
I zipped around after work to get all pups and cats fed and then scooted out with pup1 to get to class. I thought it was a good session but found out over supper that I "lure" pup1 with food too much. Basically, I don't really know what I'm doing and I make mistakes. No biggie. I'm trying, and my friend pointed out the error of my ways. We had a great time over supper - lots of laughs (where are those Depends when I need them?) and good company. The group always is. One was missed as she's out at a show this weekend.
After I log on at night, I have this little ritual - go to this site, check for updates, then go this other one and check for updates there, then (and this is a new part) come here and see what kind of stuff wants to come out of my head. During step 1, I read something that makes me sad for me, happy for him, but still sad as I know it's a passing thing for him and won't last - it never does. But that's life. It's amazing how hypocritical people can be but who am I to pass judgement? Anyway, on step 2, I see the reason for the comment in step 1 and just shake my head. I hope that it stays better but I know that it won't (for him and yes, I'm speaking cryptically). Not for long.
I just go along for the ride.
Did I mention that it's snowing? Yup. White stuff. Starting to stick on the way home but I don't think it will too much as the ground isn't quite cold enough for it to stay too long.
Hm, my toes are freezing. Just thought you'd like to know that. Yes, they're bundled up in a fleece blanket but they're still quite cold.
Strangely enough, I'm watching the World Series (*coughs* damn yankees). Not by my choice, of course. My dog sitter is here and he's watching it so unless I wanted to be a bitch, and since we all know that I'm never a bitch, it's on.
Most likely, it'll be quiet on this front for the next few days. I'll be traveling. Wish me safe journies. |
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| One more... no, two more things |
[Oct. 22nd, 2003|11:35 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | amused | ] |
Ok, just accept it. I remind myself often of my procrastination. I figure that eventually, I'll talk myself out of it. Wish me luck.
Weird foreign show: Most Extreme Elimination. Spike Network. Needs subtitles but the "sound" works. Show blurb: Contestants are painfully eliminated by stunts and contests.
Can you see where I might like that? |
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| Just got home |
[Oct. 22nd, 2003|11:03 pm] |
Well, not exactly but close enough. Put in extra hours at work tonight to make up for the nearly 3 hours I took off spur of the moment to take the pup to the vet. Well spent hours, I got tons done today. Does that earn me a raise? A promotion? Nah, just chasing the ever dangling out of reach carrot. Funny how that works. In mid-August, the supervisor tells me she's working on getting my position reclassified. *checks the date* Ok, thought so. *rolls her eyes*
Why is it that someone whose role is functional expert insists on trying to tell the technical expert how to do the job? Take this for example: for the last 3 weeks, I've been working with my project team - all of which (4) are functional experts. Then there's me, the technical expert. People WANT me on their projects cause I'm the technical expert. *heh, got the hip waders out yet?* Anyways, here I am trying to write conversion SQL to get the data in the shape it needs to be for them to do their thang. Monday, same functional expert discussed above tells me that some of the "converted" people... no, let me rephrase that to... some of the "should have been converted" people aren't converted. After much discusssion, I finally get some sample people and check them out. Huh, yup, this person was missed. Figured I might have ran part of something one day, and part another day and forgot to do a commit in there or some such oversight. Today, said functional expert sends me more samples of "should have beens" and mentions the minor detail that they (she and other functional experts) were working on a date from AUGUST! HELLO! Ya think that would have been helpful information to provide me weeks ago?!?! Uhm, duh! No wonder the "should have beens" were NOT. Oy. Sometimes I just want to rap someone upside the head and see if anything even rattles around in there.
So, me being me (aka subtle), I made the necessary changes to accommodate that missing requirement and then sent a lovely email back stating that "Gee! No wonder that data was a "shoulda been" I was unaware of that little minor date requirement. Here's your data". *rolls her eyes*
Users.
Oh, oops.
Functional experts.
*smirks*
So, there I was fixing their problem and ran into my pal. We ended up going out for a bite to eat and getting caught up. She's a "city" girl. You know the type - the talk, the walk. Whatever (and I mean what EVER) is in her head, comes out her mouth. To the innocent observer, she'd be characterized as crass, blunt, and some other words like that. Anyway, she has this friend and he's her best friend and he wants more than a friendship with her and she's all freaked out about it.
As I sat and listened to her, I thought about my friend and then back to her situation and thought: girl! go for it! That kind of relationship, that love, that stuff only comes around once. Take life by the balls and stop hiding!
So I tell her that.
She agrees, she's hiding, trying to discourage him because she's scared.
And I think, "Gee, this sounds just like me". Here I sit in a "marriage" (and yes, I use that word loosely) that is now just a housemate situation when I have someone who loves me for me and has been there for me through thick and thin for eons. But here I sit. (Yes, the one here and the one there are not one in the same).
Then I remind myself: Oh yea, you're the procrastinator. Is there an Olympic sport for this? I'd win, hands down.
So there you have my day. On to the night. |
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| Welcome |
[Oct. 21st, 2003|11:37 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  drained | ] |
Welcome to our dear little friend, psydoc. I'm sure there is some way to highlight her name but I'll have to see if I can figure that out later. She's stubborn and decided to come here just so she could voice her opinion and express her thoughts. We'll see how she does. ;)
On to other things in my head....
I'm missing romance in my life. No, I didn't decide that just this very moment. It's just been there. A while. And then I go and watch one of those sappy love movies and it hits again.
Such is my draw in life at the moment.
But I do have good friends who keep me amused, entertained and feeling loved.
I learned tonight that one of my friend's lost her dog in the last 2 weeks (got confused on the story translation and time references). I'm very sad for her. I'm going to try to remember to get a card for her tomorrow. I also want to send her a thank you note for getting us into the vet so quickly about pup1 eye. BTW, pup1 is just fine. Yeah!
Hm, my eye balls are incredibly dry tonight. This is annoying.
Spoke to Mom tonight. She's battling depression. Not that that is a surprise at all. Step Dad is fighting this with all he can and has an amazing attitude towards the cancer. It gives Mom the false sense that he's really going to get better. No one knows how long he has and as Mom commented, there's a life going on out there all around her but she's isolated from the rest of the world. I know how hard it is for me to visit on the weekends - I come home beyond exhausted, both physically and emotionally. Heck, work is relaxing in comparison. This weekend will be another trek down there. I do hope it goes well.
I have these strange thoughts sometimes about picking up, taking pup1 and heading west. I'm thinking about it a whole lot more seriously lately but we'll see - in my heart, I'm the world's worst procrastinator. I do have that dream though. There's got to be more in life than what is now. And from dealing with impending deaths in the family, it really makes me realize that life is just too short.
Thoughts to think about as you head to bed... |
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